Old Rocketeer Rant - Part 2

"Listen up kid - you might learn somethin' . . ."

RIP-STOP NYLON?
Why, back in my day we made chutes from garbage bags. "Para-Wad" . . . yeah, that's what we called 'em.

EJECTION BAFFLES?
Think fiberglass Son, I say fiberglass.

INTERNET HOW-TO VIDEOS?
Nope, just Estes Yellow Pages. If you were lucky, you might see an  MRN Idea Box page.

CLUSTERS?
Hah! Ya better have "Sure Shots" and a car battery handy. Heads up!

3D PRINTED PARTS?
What you gonna' learn about life from that?

ROCKSIM?
You need a computer to design a rocket? We did it all on the fly!
You need RockSim? We used Luck-Sim.

FIN ALIGNMENT TOOLS?
Just a door frame and a pencil line. Our rockets spun on the way up.
Extra stable if you ask me.

KEVLAR?
Shock cords were rubber bands. They were short, waaaay too short.

E through M ENGINES?
We were lucky to get a "Mighty" D13 that didn't blow!

COMPOSITE ENGINES?
$5.00 for one Enerjet engine? An A engine was just four bits each!
No wonder Enerjet ain't around no more.

ALKALINE BATTERIES?
The PhotoFlash "D"s sorta' worked, if they didn't leak battery acid inside the base of your Electro-Launch.

PICTORIAL INSTRUCTIONS?
Our instructions had words - many, many words in English. Do these kids read?

ALTIMETERS?
Nah, we'd guess. Hey, my Big Bertha gets 2,000 feet on a C6-5!

CHUTE RELEASE?
Close recovery? Hah! That's what those two legs are for. Hey kid, go find my rocket.

MADE IN CHINA?
Dang Communists.

RTF? E2X?
WTH!

Old Rocketeer Rant - Part 1

Heck, when I was a boy - 

Did you have LASER CUT parts?
What's that? We had to cut out and trace a pattern, then cut out fins with a dull X-Acto blade.

ENGINE HOOKS?
We friction fitted and were happy to do it!

FINGER TABS?
Oooooh! You're a real rocket man aren't you.

PRE-ASSEMBLED PARACHUTES?
Heck no! Parachutes had to be cut out and tied up. Did you ever try to cut a straight line through a plastic sheet with Mom's good scissors? These kids today don't even know how to tie a decent knot!

Hobby Lobby DISCOUNT COUPONS?
Immediate purchase? I don't think so - We mailed one of Mom's checks and paid full retail. Then waited a week and a half for the mail order to arrive!

HOBBY STORE ROCKET DISPLAYS?
We'd buy rockets from a tiny line drawing in a comic book ad.

CARPENTER'S WOOD FILLER?
Fillercoat and sanding sealer was all we'd let near our balsa.

TAMIYA TAPE?
What in the Sam Hill? I'm not paying no extra for fancy yellow tape! We had one choice, brown paper tape.

PLASTIC NOSE CONES?
We filled the balsa, and got a bonus cheap high from Sanding Sealer fumes.

PLASTIC ESCAPE TOWERS?
You don't get your rocket man card 'till you've scratch built a Apollo Capsule tower from toothpicks.

TRI-FOLD MOUNTS?
Old School - Slit the tube twice, cut your finger then weave that bloody shock cord through the slits.

IGNITERS?
All there was, was bare Nichrome bent into a little coil. Cross your fingers and keep holding that button down.

LAUNCHERS?
A block of wood. Launch rod made from a straightened coat hanger.

PLASTIC FIN CANS?
Why I ought'a introduce your can to my boot!

I got more to say -